I am choosing to go down a path today that is one of my own struggles. It’s hard to be vulnerable and open up. But one of my main goals in writing this blog as I stated in my bio is to be real and transparent. I hope to address real life issues and struggles in hopes it will help others like you reading this know you are not alone. If you are like me, you get tired of the “fakeness” and the “I have it all together” way we like to look these days as we post on social media. So here goes honesty straight up!

Matthew 6:14- For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you.

Forgiveness…gulp…this one is a tough one for me. I love deep and I hurt deep. When someone hurts me I find it very hard to forgive them. I hold grudges. I’m not proud of it. Just when I think I’ve learned the art of forgiveness it seems I’m hit with another challenge to be loving and forgiving.

Thankfully, over the years God has given me tools to overcome this weakness and He has revealed to me that this is a major area of my life I need to work on. And He has revealed scripture to me and insight as I have sought Him in prayer. I have not mastered it by any means but I’ve learned how to control it better with God’s help. I hope what He has taught me over the years can help you. That is my prayer for you friend.

Unforgiveness can slowly stir up anger. If you put a pot of water on the stove, it takes forever to boil! It slowly spurts out little bubbles and you turn your head to do something and before you know it it’s boiling like crazy and then pours all over the stove. I personally am a slow boiler. It takes awhile to make me angry. I try to catch the anger before it bubbles too much and ask God for help before that point. That has become one of my tools in dealing with the anger that unforgiveness brings.

Ready for this one?…..Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may initially feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance(Wilkepedia)…..wow! Slap in the face, right? And I can add on to that by saying overcoming that resentment by intentionally choosing to forgive that person and asking God to forgive you.

Forgiveness is tricky because it takes time. And we can say “I’ve forgiven them”but then there is a little twinge in our spirit and mind sometimes that remembers the hurt which makes it hard to truly, fully forgive. Sometimes we say “I’ve forgiven them”, but then we have doubt because we still have negative feelings towards them.

Just be patient with yourself in the process which can be long or short depending on the offense. God isn’t rushing you, He understands, and He sees your effort to work through this. Continually pray “Lord, help me love them, Lord help me forgive them, Lord help me see my own wrong actions and reactions in the situation, Lord, heal the relationship if it be your will or help us part peacefully.”

Forgiveness can be much more challenging in some situations. But for your sake…choose to forgive. Talking on and on about it fuels the anger. When your heart races, your face turns red, and that anger brews, the resentment begins to grow like a weed. The longer that weed grows the harder it is to pull it out of the ground. Talking about it to someone you trust or a counselor is not a bad thing but if you get fueled up too much it does you no good. We sometimes think we can solve the problem by talking, over analyzing and over thinking it. This only leaves us confused and keeps our brain too full.

Sometimes full, total forgiveness takes years. And that’s ok as long as you are making regular efforts to forgive. You may go backwards sometimes and that’s ok too. Our minds remember the hurt and that takes time to work through. Again, God is much more patient with us, His children than we realize. He knows we are flesh, He knows we fail, He knows we sin. But as long as we acknowledge that sin and ask Him for forgiveness His grace is ALWAYS sufficient.

There was a time in my life where my husband and I heard a strong message on forgiveness. Quite a convicting message. It was easy to think…you know, this message is for “so and so”. They really need to hear this one! I was talking to my husband about it and he looked me in the eye and said “That message was for us!” ….SLAP! He was right, it was for us and it was important we acknowledged our need to forgive. It is hard to admit that we are holding on to an offense but we must recognize it and let it go.

Maybe you are in right the middle of a hurtful situation. Maybe the hurt is fresh. In time, God will give you the ability to forgive, but for now walk through this trial holding on to the hand of your Almighty God. And give yourself time. and make the best effort to let go and forgive one day at a time. God sees your pain and He is with you and He doesn’t expect as much out of you as you might expect out of yourself. He is a patient Father. And He’s not looking at your suffering from a distance. He is right beside you! He sees your heart and your motives and each step you take towards healing in this area of your life.

If there is someone you need to forgive, pray this prayer today- “Dear Lord, I have been hurt and I’m struggling to forgive this person. I am trying not to hold on to the offense but it hurts so deep. It is hard for them to see why and even how they hurt me which makes it even harder. Lord, please open their heart to receive from you also. Lord, help me not to be the judge of what they need to hear. May you speak to them. It is out of my control. If it be your will, I pray you would heal this relationship, but if we are meant to part ways, may we do so peacefully. Lord, help me to not carry the baggage of a grudge around with me. Take this burden from me I pray. Forgive me Lord for anything I have done wrong in my actions or reactions to this situation. Help me take the high road Lord. Help me to wait, pray and be at peace with your leading before speaking any words or taking any action. Help me do right in your sight even when I’m hurt or angry. I thank you for your patience with me as I go through this. I thank you that you are with me always. I choose this moment to put this in your hands.” In Jesus Name, Amen.

“I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess”~Martin Luther